I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
