Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
