he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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