hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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