you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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