grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
