Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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