"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
