We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
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I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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