Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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