i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
