we're chasing vodka with high fives
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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