just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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