Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
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