I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
