im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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