We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
