I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
