i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
