As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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