I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
