Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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