I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
