when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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