Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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