I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
