My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
