My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
