i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
