Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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