He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
