Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Come back. Shots need mouths.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
