I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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