I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
