Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
its liver damage thursday
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
