I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
