literally had 100 drinks last night.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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