Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
