It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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