even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
