You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Randomize
