i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
