I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
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He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
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Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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