i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
