I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
