I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
