So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
they're like a gay fantastic four
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
