Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I smell like Dick and happiness
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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