so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
