Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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