I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
