you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
