Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
