i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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