I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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