That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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