dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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