i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
you are never too drunk for berry picking
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
