What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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