Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
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There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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